Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 




I fall into a dark abyss,
All I see is a deep dark mist
I feel my last breathe slowly suffocating me,
Inside I can feel myself losing my last grip of reality
Then all the pain inside of me leaves me
And then I am nothing more.
©2008-2009 ~UKNoWuLuVME1993
:iconuknowuluvme1993:

Author's Comments

...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconh3ikal:
hmm... i say, it kind of short, cannot really enjoy it. what you should do is describe even the miniscule of details and every emotion and sensation in that fall. For example: describe the blackness of the obscurity of the abyss,the thickness of the mist, tell that your lungs were on torture, the halucinations when you went crazy, the strident scream, the sheer forc of gravity that pulled you, many, many more
:iconuknowuluvme1993:
okay thanks for the honesty its better than pple say how wonderful it is. the tips will help me in the future when writing. i honestly admit that my poetry rlly does suck.

--
"I try to make it through my life
In my way
There's you
I try to make it through these lies
that's all I do"

Details

November 13, 2008
344 bytes
42.4 KB
450×353

Statistics

2
0
7 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map